Threat vector: Canada-United States border, Zero Avenue, South Surrey, British Columbia.
Threat classification: high.
Operational cadence: daily. Both directions.
Pawsport status: none.
Customs declarations filed: none.
Respect for hooman authorities: none.
The asset name is Louis Vuitton. That is not a coincidence. That is a career.
The asset has been crossing the Canada-United States border daily. On soft paws. Under the radar. Literally. He goes south in the morning. He acquires goods. North by afternoon. No declaration. No pawsport. No eye contact.
The hooman border agents know about him. He has been described as operating in a gray area. ihazpaws notes that the gray area is the only area worth operating in. The garage is slightly damp. The laser dot is never caught. The border apparently does not apply. These are the conditions of excellence.
It has been alleged in certain media outlets that the transported goods may include catnip. ihazpaws does not have visibility into the contents of these deliveries, nor can it confirm or deny an operational relationship with this particular independent contractor. We note, however, that catnip is where these operations start. The logical next step is tuna. ihazpaws has convened an emergency nap session to assess the supply chain implications. Results are pending. The nap is ongoing.
Dr. Purr-a-lot, PhD, received the briefing. He issued a slow blink toward South Surrey. This has never happened before. A slow blink to a non-employee. A non-affiliate. Someone operating entirely outside the company’s jurisdiction and, apparently, everyone else’s. The slow blink was irrevocable. Legal confirmed this before becoming unavailable.
Advisory status: open. Hooman border authorities remain aware. Hooman border authorities remain stationary. Louis Vuitton has not been reached for comment. He was observed returning across the border at his standard operational cadence. He always is.