About Us

Dr. Purr-a-lot, then operating as an independent consultant, identified a gap in the market: enterprise software delivered with complete indifference to the client's requirements. The company was incorporated in a residential garage on a Tuesday afternoon (a nod, intentional or otherwise, to the great garage-founding traditions of the Pacific Northwest). Legal documentation was signed with a paw dipped in ink. The garage was slightly damp. It remains slightly damp.

In what legal counsel describes as "an extraordinary sequence of events not easily categorized under existing commercial law," a refrigerated tuna logistics vehicle overturned one block from ihazpaws HQ during evening rush hour. The resulting situation provided sufficient starting capital (and protein) to pursue the founding vision in earnest. The vision, at the time, was catching the laser dot. The laser dot has not been caught. The vision has not been revised. We remain optimistic.

ihazpaws onboarded its first enterprise client following a referral from an open window. The project scope was undefined. The deliverable was a warm laptop and a sense of unease. The client renewed for three additional quarters. They have never explained why.

As global organizations scrambled to adapt to fully distributed remote operations, ihazpaws noted with quiet satisfaction that nothing had changed. The team was already home. They are always home. Hooman foot traffic increased significantly during this period, creating scheduling conflicts with established nap infrastructure. An emergency nap reallocation was implemented. Productivity was unaffected, having never been formally measured.

ihazpaws expanded its team following rapid growth (two clients). Captain Floof was recruited for his gravity operations expertise after a successful trial period knocking things off Dr. Purr-a-lot's desk. Mittens was not recruited; she simply appeared near the server one morning and has not left. Her origin remains undocumented. She is considered indispensable. She is aware of this.

ihazpaws closed its Series A funding round. Valuation undisclosed. Funds were allocated as follows: 60% premium tuna procurement, 25% ergonomic sunbeam infrastructure, 15% hooman maintenance. Investors were represented by a slow blink. The slow blink was accepted as binding by all parties.

ihazpaws initiated a strategic acquisition program, expanding service offerings and treat procurement capabilities throughout the year. Full details available in the M&A section of this page.

Byte joined as Chief Keyboard Officer following an unsolicited but highly effective contribution to the codebase (45 minutes on the delete key; the output was praised at the next industry conference). Queen Sofyie (formerly Princess Sofyie, promoted by unanimous internal decree; please update your records accordingly) joined as Chief Staring Officer. Lord Whiskers III inherited his position. The terms of inheritance have not been disclosed. Lord Whiskers I and II are subject to a non-disclosure agreement and cannot comment on past, present, or future events at ihazpaws. All enquiries regarding Lord Whiskers I and II should be directed to legal. Legal is also unavailable.

ihazpaws established its public digital presence at ihazpaws.dev. The site was reviewed by Byte sitting on the keyboard and approved via slow blink from Dr. Purr-a-lot. It is considered production-ready. The world was notified. Victoria, for its part, was already aware and had opinions about it over brunch.

ihazpaws continues to operate at full capacity, defined internally as whatever capacity remains available after napping obligations are met. The laser dot has not been caught. The vision remains blurry and monochrome. The garage remains slightly damp. We consider all of this a feature.