ihazpaws is aware of the recently disclosed credential breach affecting approximately 200 million accounts across multiple platforms. We wish to issue the following advisory.
Following a thorough investigation conducted by Mittens (Chief Hissing Officer) — who hissed at the breach report for approximately 47 minutes before determining its scope — ihazpaws can confirm that no ihazpaws user credentials were present in the leaked dataset.
This is attributable to our proprietary Zero-Password Architecture™, in which all authentication is handled via a slow blink verification protocol. Slow blinks cannot be exfiltrated. They can only be given. They cannot be taken.
Users who are concerned about their security posture are advised to approach Mittens slowly and offer a treat. Threat assessments are conducted on a case-by-case basis. Do not make sudden movements.
ihazpaws considers this matter resolved. The breach has been hissed at. No further action is required on the part of our users.